We had several rainy, stormy days and that always wears me out physically and mentally. I kept going as it's not my way to sit and sulk, but I can admit it was hard. Thank goodness Lady ensures I go out for a walk a few times a day...LOL! The weather turned chilly (especially at night) so I finally gave in and turned on the heat to take the chill off. I guess when inside the house it's only 58 the heat should be on. I don't have it as high as papa would have (as I don't mind wearing a sweater or sweatshirt in the house), but it feels pretty good. The irrigation people are coming out this week to clear out the lines and turn off the outside water. Are you prepping for the coming winter?
A lot of things on my mind this week and I'm not sure where to begin. My brain feels a bit scattered this morning - I have stones close to my heart to keep me grounded, but I guess too much going on to stop the brain. How do you feel when there is too much emotionally going on? I've had headaches (off/on) for days and I know they are caused by weather changes, stress, lack of good sleep, emotions, and anger. Yes, all of that is going on at the same time. I cried quite a bit this past week - ugly cry - something I have not done in a very long time. I know part of it was for papa as I really have not let go since he passed - he believed I am strong and I am. It would have been his birthday and the emotions were heavy. The blessing of the day was that my sister and I visited the cemetery together and spent time together with a nice lunch and conversation. We toasted papa with a glass of his favorite wine.
I think anger and outrage bring out my emotions faster than anything. That same day I went to visit mema and walked in to a terrible situation. I have to admit I wanted to scream in anger, but I kept calm and took pictures. Got the help needed to change the situation and continued my visit with mema. As she napped I sat for two hours and begged papa for forgiveness and cried silent tears. You talk about a moment when emotions almost won as I contemplated ways to roll her out the door and into my car. Thank goodness mema did not truly understand what was happening. The next day I walked into the Director of Nursing with pictures and she was shocked and upset. She immediately got on the phone to find out who was working and handling different residents. I told her I would notify the State as well for documentation purposes. Tomorrow I will be walking in again to find out the outcome of her research and what will be done. When I left on Friday I literally sat in my car and sobbed for a time as it all caught up with me.
In many ways, I am thankful for my former career. I learned to compartmentalize many aspects of my life. As the new street rep for the Friendship Club in the community, I had to deliver door-to-door the monthly newsletter. It was a lovely afternoon for walking the hood so to speak. I was invited in to a few homes to see their renovations and chat. I have to say, I was glad that not everyone was home and I was able to leave the newsletter on the porch. There are 38 homes on this street so this took a few hours. Lots of people interaction and it was a bit tiring, but in a good way. In many ways it helped take me off the ledge so to speak so as I always say things happen for a reason.
So I'm doing a bit of hibernating this weekend. I am not cooking Sunday dinner or having company as I'm just not in the mood. I am doing a bit of organizing and moving a few pieces of furniture around. I know tomorrow is another day and it will be better.
I have to say I have been angry over the past few weeks with women. I don't mean women in general, I mean the women who took money or jobs and signed confidentiality agreements over sexual harassment or abuse. I don't believe after you are rewarded for allowing horrible behavior - you can now be outraged and angered.about how the behavior continued. Sexual harassment or abuse of any kind is not acceptable. I understand those that remained silent out of fear and retribution as well as what it can do to self esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. I truly don't understand how you can accept a payoff whether it be monetary or a dream job and many years later stand up in outrage and claim to support others - silence and complicity allowed the behavior to continue. This is my opinion only. I repeat - sexual harassment or abuse of any kind is not acceptable. I am glad these powerful people are finally being called out and hopefully will be held accountable for their behavior. Perhaps bringing it into the open will people realize what is not acceptable. I am willing to learn from all victims. I realize some of you may be upset by what I wrote and I apologize for that.
I am going to leave it here for today. I think I put a lot out here today and I'm exhausted. I'm going to sit for a while and wait for Lady to get up for her walk. I hope you have a good week. Happy Halloween! Take care. Chat soon. Marie
The following sayings come from: POWER OF WORDS QUOTATIONS & PROVERBS by MJF Lion Kishore Bansal
"TODAY IS A GIFT; THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE PRESENT."
"AN OLD FRIEND IS WORTH MORE THAN MONEY."
"LEARN TO SEE YOUR WEAKNESSES."