It was overall a quiet week for me. Days went by in a whirlwind and before I knew it...time for bed. I do have to laugh as I put some yard toys out and one moves with the wind. I heard Lady bark and thought someone was coming into the driveway. Oh no, Lady barks at the whirlygig. I just laughed and moved her away from the window. I think we have gone through this the few mornings, guess she has not gotten used to it yet.
I invaded my mom's hope chest a few days ago. I say invaded as it was one piece of furniture that was basically off limits - she knew what was in there and if you moved anything on top one iota, she knew it. I wanted to take out my parents wedding album and also see if there were any old pictures of her. I have tons of pictures of my dad's family and life, but hardly any of my moms. I found a few of her and others (I passed on appropriately). I showed mom a few of the pictures and she would smile and I could see a flicker of memory.
One of the hardest parts of this disease for me, is watching the light dim in my mom's eyes and her verbalizing less and less. The hospice chaplain hospice came the other day and my mom is usually very engaged as he plays the guitar and sings - this time it was not until near the end that she engaged a little. I almost jumped for joy when she moved her head and tapped her feet. Lady sat on my lap for a long time just listening and watching.
I think I mentioned previously that Lady has a bed or place to sleep in almost every room. Mornings, I am never sure where I'll find her. I had to put blankets on the two couches as she has started digging at both (drives me crazy). I don't mind her sleeping or laying anywhere, but it's the digging. Lady makes me laugh during the day when she toddles off to one of her beds in another room...guess she needs her alone time. Lady has not wanted to walk as much - where I used to get four to six good walks out of her a day, I'm lucky if I can get three. She wants to stay close to the house so she does her business and turns right around to come back inside.
I must say I feel accomplished as I had no assistance last night and was able to do everything for my mom. I explained to her that we were on our own and that I would need her assistance to get her cleaned up and ready for bed. Although I was pretty sure she understood me when I said it, I was grateful that she was truly cooperative. At least I now know I can do it by myself. I realized what a lonely existence I lead when I was so excited by my accomplishment.
Over the past week I watched an eclectic set of movies/TV. I record a bunch of stuff and then determine whether or not I will watch. Besides all my normal dramas of murder/mayhem, I watched: Seabiscuit, Waitress, The Zookeepers Wife and Paterno. I also watched a documentary titled: "I Am Evidence" which is about the DNA backlog for rape cases. I am appalled at the treatment of these poor women and the lack of concern about the evidence. Some of the cities have started processing and it is amazing at the results. I watched all of these in bits and pieces, but eventually got through them. I have been doing a bit of reading almost every day but Lady has started getting up earlier - sometimes before my first sip of coffee.
Thank goodness for the internet and FB some days as it's my means of keeping in touch with the outside world. I have not been to my favorite coffee shop in over a month (miss the coffee and the people), but I keep up with the owner and the shop. I keep up with the happenings locally in Plymouth and in Sterling via groups so I'm in the know (so to speak). I'm not lonely as I truly could be a homebody. I do miss the ability to get up and go. I definitely have a different/new appreciation for many of the simple things.
I am going to leave it here for today. I have to finish my shopping list and check the ads for deals. As soon as the aide gets here this morning I'm off to the get errands done. When I only have a certain amount of time, I plan accordingly. Have a good week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people because you no longer regard people as a drain on your energy.” - — Chogyam Trungpa
“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” - — Emory Austin
“Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible.” - ― Tia Walker, from The Inspired Caregiver: Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love