Did you ever have one of those weeks that was an emotional roller coaster? I thought I was doing pretty well and then I sped to the bottom much like a plummeting roller coaster car. I believe I wasted at least two days being angry - what a useless damn emotion! Anger saps me so much - I don't sleep well, I usually have a headache and food is truly just shoved in to my mouth. I also need time alone to wallow and cry before I can move back up to normal (whatever that is). I can take a lot on my shoulders - at work I use to say I can handle anything, but if you add a personal stress...I'm done. I still got things done, I can put a persona on for public consumption, but I know it changes my perspective. I felt miserable in my own skin and deep down. I worked my way through it - yesterday afternoon I took my book and a cup of coffee at sat at the harbor in the cold for a while. I needed some alone time. I watched the ducks and seagulls playing at low tide. Gave myself a little talking to about life and moved on. I know it will happen again as that's the way life works somehow, but hopefully I can catch it before the anger sets in. What do you do when life gets to you?
I spend a lot of time trying to keep the peace. It's hard to have a conversation with papa between his vision and hearing he does not engage very often. He usually just tries to tell me what to do and it must be his way. I keep my mouth shut (believe it or not) as I don't want to piss off anyone (including papa), but it does not always work. Of course, then it normally all bubbles up at the same time and since I don't want to upset others I try to keep it to myself. For all of you that I ever nagged or picked on (without meaning to) I apologize. After dealing with it day-after-day I am worn down. I hang on to those days when a compliment comes along. I really feel it when I'm tired. Hence, the opportunity to sit by the water and just chill for a little bit helps so much.
I am working on trying not to give a damn about what others do or don't do. I have to remember that I can only control me. My expectations are my own and I can not others to live them out. How about you...trying to deal with anything? I know I am blessed in so many ways and I have to focus on that!
Mema had a great week. She was very engaged and talkative. She went to the concert held and loved it. She recognized a neighbor who was visiting someone and even called him by name. Twice in one day she introduced me as her daughter (not by name, but that's ok) - I have not heard her call me daughter in months so I was pleased.
Papa kept me hopping with lots of appointments. I believe his PT is almost over and I'm not sure I want it to end. At least it gives him an activity other than watching TV. He is getting tired of it, but I like that they get him moving. We'll see how it goes.
I got a book finished and I'm halfway through another. So easy to get through the murder and mayhem books. I still have a huge pile to get through, but I just keep adding. Oh well, I love to read. Nothing like a few minutes down time with a good book. What are you reading?
I am going to end it here. Dinner is almost ready and I have to set the table. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people because you no longer regard people as a drain on your energy.” — Chogyam Trungpa
“Be determined to handle any challenge in a way that will make you grow.” — Les Brown
“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” - — Emory Austin