Mema/Mom was pretty good and stable this past week. She was able to get outdoors a few days and enjoy the sun. She actually, for the first time that I can remember, got a sunburn on her face. I believe it's the meds, so now she is smothered in sunscreen before she leaves the building and papa is instructed to be in the shade for some of the time.
Thoughts popped into my head this week about tears, I know I shed few. Believe me it was not the ugly crying tears, but a bit more like tears are very close to the surface for me lately and slip out at the slightest thing. I have found tears leak out whether I'm happy or sad, angry/calm, reading/thinking, awake/sleeping. To me, this means my emotions are running pretty close to the surface and I've always tried to keep them buried a little as not to upset others. I keep thinking what am I learning from this? What are your feelings about tears?
I had a few life lessons this past week. I have to remember that my expectations are just that my expectations and when they are not met to let it go. I let go a few things this past week. So hard! But again, life lessons are hard so I am trying to suck it up and realize that this is my journey. I can't be upset when others do not meet my expectations as perhaps they are doing what they need to do or all they can do at the moment. Besides the fact that I don't speak my expectations as I never want to bother someone else ....do you see the oxymoron in that statement? One of my biggest fears is that someone consider me bothersome or needy. Does that even make sense? I do feel guilty when I get upset with others as I have to remember that they are walking their own story and perhaps should not be in my story at the moment. Again, something I need to let go of is guilt! How do feel about guilt and expectations?
For those interested in history and memories....40 years ago (yes 40) I graduated from high school today. Our class was the first high school class to graduate in Boston in the bicentennial year of 1976. I remember the red/white/blue tassel with the "76" emblem (I still have it somewhere). The ceremony was at Faneuil Hall (very historic) and the class of all young women walked up four flights of stairs to prepare. In 1976 the style was platform shoes, can you hear the heels as they clunked down the four flights of wooden stairs. I do not remember the entire ceremony, but I remember my family there. I also remember that as soon as the ceremony was over and pictures were taken my family raced off to South Boston so my father could be sworn in as Commander of the Carmen's Post which was a VFW post for the employees of the T. I also remember joking that they owed me a graduation dinner! I have kept in touch basically with two people from high school. The school was closed many many years ago. Our class and school, as far as I know, has never had a reunion or get together. To be honest, I'm not sure if I would go, but I don't have to worry about it. In this graduation season, what do you remember?
I joke all the time that I can't write unless I'm in front of a keyboard. If you ask me to write something for you spur of the moment on a piece of paper I feel tongue tied so to speak. You will get something, but it won't be great and I can't guarantee you will be able to read it. But, if front of a keyboard and I can go to town. Again, may not be perfect, but on some level I give you everything I got. This happens both professionally and personally. I have noticed though if professional is needed, I definitely take the time to be sure it is clear and understandable. What about you? Is there a special place where you write? Do you need a certain pen? atmosphere? etc.?
I heard some wonderful things said about papa/dad this morning. So many people came up to tell me what a great man he is and how he was always doing things for others. Lots of people asked about mom and offered their own stories. It's so interesting for me to hear stories about my parents from different perspectives. When I told dad I heard good things about him, he said from who and what would they say? I said does not matter who said what, I just want you to know they all said good things and think very highly of you.
I finished reading: "THUNDER DOG" by Michael Hingson with Susy Flory. A true story of a blind man and his guide dog. What a fascinating and in so many ways inspiring story. It challenged my idea about what I would consider a disability. I'm reading murder and mayhem at the moment, but will move on to something else this week. I'm thinking a trip to the bookstore might be in order this coming week.
I am going to end it here today. Want to get a few things organized before the day gets away from me. I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you for being you. Chat soon. Marie
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Henry S. Haskins
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world. - Anne Frank
Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are. - John Wooden
Referrals are always appreciated.