I was not sure I was going to write about this or not, but since it kept coming up for me this past week thought I would at least mention it. Resentment has popped up in my mind as a word and emotions as a feeling. I kept trying to deny it and focus on blessings and gratitude which usually helps. I have been trying to keep my mouth shut so nothing comes out that I'll regret later. Believe me part of me feels juvenile for even having the feeling so I decided to look up the meaning of the word. Thank goodness for "GOOGLE!"
re·sent·ment rəˈzentmənt/ noun - bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.
"his resentment at being demoted"
synonyms:bitterness, indignation, irritation, pique, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, discontentment,discontent, resentfulness, bad feelings, hard feelings, ill will, acrimony, rancor, animosity,jaundice;
"his success led to resentment from critics"
Resentment - Wikipedia
Resentment is a mixture of disappointment, anger, and fear. As the surprise of injustice becomes less frequent, so too does anger and fear fade -leaving disappointment as the predominant emotion.
So the definition does explain some of my feelings lately. I know these feelings tend to pop up when I'm tired and not sleeping well. I don't know about you, but everything negative seems to grow to larger than life when I'm tired. I think these feelings also come up when I have not had time for myself. I then get mad at myself for feeling resentment when I should be thinking how blessed I am. I think when I went to my reunion I realized how much I need to take a break now and then. Papa asked me the other night when I was going to take a vacation for myself. I looked at him and said, not sure you can be left alone. I was surprised when he agreed with the statement. To be honest, I don't feel right that if I want to take a vacation I must hire someone to stay with papa and I don't think he would like that either. Don't get me wrong, I know at some point additional assistance may be needed, but right now we'll continue as we are.
I do believe some of my resentment comes up every time papa tells any one that will listen that I left for 32 years! It usually comes up when someone says to him, it's good you have a daughter who can stay and take care of you. I always say, I did not just leave, I got a job, had a career and came home at least four times per year or any time I was needed. I did not run away or leave in anger the way you make it sound. It drives me crazy as this comes up at least every other week. Occasionally, I do respond with watch out old man I have the power of attorney.
I must say I'm not a martyr and I'm definitely not perfect. When I feel, resentment creeping I, I make a conscious effort to focus on the good things in life and the blessings that are so prevalent. I try to learn from everything that I experience. I use my coaching techniques and continue to learn. I try to be nice to myself by taking an hour here or there to do something that I enjoy. I also try to stay in the moment (not always easy). As I like to cook, I made a big pot of chili last night (for next weekend) and tried to plan a menu for the week to ensure that papa eats a meal of some type every day. I'm also trying to clean out the freezer to prepare for the holidays. This is one of those weeks that papa has some type of medical appointment almost every day so it will be busy. I also told him that I would take him to early voting to hopefully avoid some of the lines. It does not matter how busy papa may be, he still expects me to visit mema every day - which I do.
I am going to end it here today. I hope I made you think and would love to hear your comments. I hope you have a good week. Happy Halloween! Take care. Chat soon. Marie
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." - Denis Waitley
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." - Melody Beattie
"The simple act of saying 'thank you' is a demonstration of gratitude in response to an experience that was meaningful to a customer or citizen." - Simon Mainwaring
Referrals are always appreciated.