My week was up and down emotionally. I am truly cherishing any positive good days that come along. I gave up grocery shopping for my dad (as I previously mentioned no matter what I buy it's wrong) so either I take him and go with the flow or his driver takes him Monday or Friday. I am also not stressing over what to make for his meals - I make suggestions and again go with the flow. Either I make it or leave it out for him to cook. It made the past week much easier as I was not stressing and/or freaking out.
I also had a few sad times. My mom is moving to another phase. I knew the day would come when my mom might not know my name and it happened this past week. It comes and goes, but when I thought about it she has not truly said my name in a while. She knows I'm important in her life and I know she loves me and that's all that matters. We had some tender moments when she reached up and caressed my cheek or called me "hon" in that special way. She also does not recognize many of the pictures we have posted in her room. She does seem content most of the time to rest although she is still a nosy rosy in her own way. She loved sitting outside a few days and the aides wheeled her to the outdoor carnival in the courtyard. Wrap her up in any of the multitude of blankets we keep on hand and she's happy.
My dad waits for me every evening to provide him a report on my mom. As I don't want to upset him I just keep it simple. We go over the basics: she rested, what she ate for dinner, and how her mood seems. Some nights I throw a little tidbit in there to see if he is noticing anything. I hate doing it as he gets very sad, but even he admitted this evening that she is slipping further away.
I ran into someone yesterday that I have not seen in a couple of months. He's a clerk where I get the local weekend newspapers. He said, "you're back!" I replied, I never left. We chatted that he is usually gone before I get to the store in the afternoon. He asked if I worked. I said I was lucky enough to retire a while ago, but expected my life to be completely different. I know I'm learning and doing many things which will help me in the future. I also said, each time I think about working something comes up which tells me that perhaps I need to do exactly what I'm doing at the moment. He said, "you are doing what you are meant to do. We need to take care of our parents." I said you are right and I'll have time to work again later. I explained that I am a life coach although I am not practicing at the moment. He said why not? He is the second person in the past week that asked me that question....guess I need to come up with an answer.
I have to admit every day I learn something that I know is enhancing my coaching skills. I may not be earning credits toward my credentials at this point, but I'm so learning about people, life, faith and myself All of which I know it will definitely make my coaching provide more impact.
I wrote on FB today about having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Luckily, today the angel won out. I was able to keep my mouth in check and the right words came out. Thank goodness I realized that if I had said what was rolling around in my head, it would have caused hurt feelings and a lot of stress for myself and others. I have tried to really think before I speak lately and then let it go. It helps that I was not tired and emotional at the time. I definitely need to keep the devil in the box a little more - the angel side felt pretty good. Do you have to choose sides sometimes? How do you make the choice?
I finished reading ADULTERY by Paulo Coelho. I have to admit I did not like this book. I have read a few of the author's books and they are usually a lesson in life. I know this is supposed to be about living life fully, I just did not get it. What are you reading these days?
My heart goes out to my friends Ann on the loss of her stepfather and Diane on the loss of her brother. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am going to leave it here for tonight. I hope you have a good week. I am getting a massage tomorrow and I can't wait. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast, withers as rapidly. That which grows slowly, endures.”– Josiah Gilbert Holland
“Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”– Mahatma Gandhi
“You may find the worst enemy or best friend in yourself.”– English Proverb