It was a very long week for my sister and I as my mother completed her journey on earth. She passed yesterday morning surrounded by the love of her two daughters that she nurtured and raised. Don't get me wrong my dad played a strong part, but for the most part, he worked and she was the homemaker. She told me once; that all she ever wanted was to be a mother and wife/homemaker and resented, at first, when she went back to work for financial reasons. I remember the emotional toll the stress of working and being a mom put on her for a while as I was in high school. She eventually enjoyed working, especially making friends and the social part. She earned an award for saving the company thousands of dollars and she hardly missed a day (now you know how I got my work ethic between my both my parents). She was a homebody; except if she could get there by car; and even then would rather it be no more than a couple of hours away. I used to say my mom would talk to the wall if it talked back as she truly enjoyed the social part of life until the past few years. I remember once we were at Faneuil Hall in Boston and she decided to sit on a bench while the rest of us finished roaming around. We came back and there was a college age woman sitting and talking with her. When she left, I said, something silly and my mom said, I don't know how I attract them, but I do. She could be as sassy as they come and the looks she could give (ok I'm good at it too...LOL!), even the kids knew the look. She LOVED Bingo and card playing and when they had the senior bus trips to the casino, she led the bingo game on the bus and even had to give the bus driver the directions on more than one occasion. I know she adored her family and was so proud of her grandchildren. All I know is she is now with my father and those that she loved. As I told her before she passed, I know you will be watching over us and will look for the signs. She never went to bed or let us leave without a God Bless You and I Love You! I still practice this and said it quite a lot this past week.
I have been on an emotional/sleep deprived roller coaster this past week. My sister stayed at the house and we had so much time to talk/laugh/cry. I honestly believe my mom wanted us to have all this time together alone, as normally we are with others or running from one place to another. My sister and I were actually chuckling over a remembered story and that was it. I am glad she left while we were laughing, although we shed a few more tears and laughter immediately after. We took turns sleeping so mom was never alone. We had the hospice aid every day as well as calls/visits from many of the staff/volunteers. We are so blessed to have the support of this wonderful organization. As I told my sister, now that I have been part of the journey for both my parents, I think I can be an asset to others at some point. Sounds like a new path has opened for me. We will see as I'm not rushing anything.
For those wondering about Lady, she has been on this journey with us. Her sleep and walking patterns were a bit disrupted. She distracted us when she needed to go out or eat. She sat quietly or slept for very long periods of time. I would sit on the recliner and just pet her (something she is not all that crazy about) for a while and she would keep an eye on my mom. She was in the room yesterday morning for the final stage and slept quietly in her bed. She did not get up until right before the hospice nurse came and my sister left. She then sat in the middle of the living room and barked a few times - not to go out, but I think her way of saying goodbye or letting me know the spirits were here. Lady slept almost the entire rest of the day on her bed in mom's room. She only came out when I woke her for a little walk. Last night she slept on her bed in my room where she is still sleeping. I know dogs sense many things and she surely demonstrated it.
The house was so quiet last night. I slept deep and well. Of course, it might have been the big glass of wine and the two tylenol pms I had...LOL! I say I don't dream and much of the time, if I do, I don't remember. I have to say over the past few weeks I have dreamed and I remember bits/pieces in the morning. They are not all pleasant, but that goes to the emotional turmoil.
I did get some reading finished. Of course, a James Patterson book as I almost always have one on hand. I also finished: A HEALING JUSTICE by Kristin Von Kreisler. It's about K9 dog and his owner. Yes I shed a few tears. I was part of a mini FB challenge where you send someone else a book. I sent out a few books so I hope you enjoy your selection and perhaps understand why I selected that particular book for you.
The daily and wacky holidays for the week...provides something lighthearted to think about:
20 National Buttercrunch Day
20 National Cheese Lover Day
20 Penguin Awareness Day
21 Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday , celebrated on the third Monday
21 National Hugging Day
21 Squirrel Appreciation Day
22 National Blonde Brownie Day
23 National Pie Day
23 National Handwriting Day
23 Measure Your Feet Day- we only ask...."Why!?!"
24 Beer Can Appreciation Day
24 Compliment Day
25 Opposite Day
26 Australia Day
26 Spouse's Day
I am going to leave it here for today. I better get outside and clear the pathway before the ice kicks in...temps supposed to drop. I switched chemicals this year so I don't wreck the concrete again. I hope you have a good week. Take care. Chat soon.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving
"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things." - Arthur Schopenhauer
“Grieving is an expression of gratitude, and that expression doesn't have to be rushed.” - Carolyn Wells