Overall, the week went well. My BFF left at the beginning of the week and it was so great that she was here and we had a good time. Mema appeared very settled. She rested a lot as expected. She eats what she wants and as long as she is satisfied that's all that matters. When she becomes a bit fidgety it's normally for a reason and we work to determine the reason to keep her calm. I can see where her memories are a bit less and her thoughts are random. I think she likes the visiting pattern of papa in the morning and me in the mid-to-late afternoon.
For those of you that know me I am usually the strong one and keep up a good front. Today was a total meltdown day for me. I had a loud and as they say "ugly" cry. At first, I literally thought it's me having a bad day as I felt a bit tired and then anger kicked in. As I've mentioned before I feel like a mama bear when it comes to taking care of mema so when things are not going right at the nursing home I get angry. I have not broken down and cried before and I definitely did that today. I tried to hide it from mema, as she asked me what's wrong and looked in my eyes. I told her I had a cold and then bolted out the door and finished the cry in the car. I try not to make a scene as to not embarrass my family and I want any discussions to be productive. Luckily, papa could not tell that anything was wrong with me. I gave myself a headache time for some aspirin. Thankfully, there is no wine or booze in the house or I might have a worse headache. I have a bunch of notes from today and will be with management on Monday.
Perhaps it was time for the big ugly cry any way. I am a bit tired which never helps. It's funny that the other evening papa looked at me and said, do you want to take a vacation? I said, what made you say that? He said, well you've been here since February. I said, I know that, but I told you I would be here for the duration. But then, I started thinking about it. So now I've scheduled a quickie vacation an hour away in Provincetown for a couple of days in early May. I have to say that once I booked the vacation the guilt of not being here kicked in. I have to work on that a bit. What do you do when guilt kicks in?
I am trying to catch up on some TV..thank goodness for DVRs. I recorded, Strong, American Grit, Game of Silence and Underground. As well as my normal dramas. Do you think my tastes are all over the place?
I finished reading: "BACK IN THE FIGHT" by Sergeant First Class Joseph Kapacziewski and Charles W. Sasser. This is the memoir of an Army Ranger who even after having his leg amputated is determined to remain a Ranger. Wow what a book! I am also reading two other books hopefully will finish both this week.
Please know that I appreciate your calls, notes, texts, etc. I don't always respond as sometimes I'm just too tired to chat. I think about all of you and I am so grateful for your support. Hugs to all of you.
I am going to end it here for tonight. I think I need a Klondike bar...LOL! Have a good week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
"Unity is strength... when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved." - Mattie Stepanek
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mahatma Gandhi
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." - Mother Teresa