We had a couple of sad happenings this past week and I don't think they helped my moods either. Although I have been experiencing mema not recognizing me for many months, it happened to papa this past week. I felt horrible when he got in the car the other day and related his story. Apparently, there was a woman near mema who asked who papa was? Mema said she did not know. She asked again and mema said, she did not know. Papa was taken back and said, what do you mean, we've been married for almost 60 years? Mema just looked at him and said, we have? This story gave papa and I a chance to talk a bit about what she's going through. I do not always go into detail with what I notice as to not upset him. I said, somewhere down deep she knows she loves you and you are important in her life. Because, if she did not, she would not let you sit with her, hold her hand or feed her. I also said she is having a harder time putting words together and forming thoughts as it's another phase. He seemed satisfied with my response - sad of course, but resigned to the next steps. This disease is so hard.
I had the sad reality this past week of life changing as kids grow up. The kids were on spring break this past week and I did not see or hear from them. This is the third consecutive vacation where they did not request to spend any time with me. I remember a time when they wanted me to spend time with them whether for a few hours or an overnight. I never wanted them to feel obligated to visit (as I did with nearby relatives), but always hoped they would want to spend time. I completely get it - vacations mean sleep and with the weather we had, I don't blame them. It's just that I realized a part of me missed that together time and I'm sad to see them grow up. It's sad to think I'm not viable in their lives at the moment. I'm sure in a few years, it will change again as life moves on. How do you handle life changes?
Over the past couple of weeks I have had vivid dreams. As a person who hardly ever remembers her dreams when they wake me up you know I take notice. One dream was about Tupper Lake, New York. It was so vivid it surprised me. I have been there and it's a beautiful area. I think I had the dream because I have been following a blog about the Northwood Cabins and it's renovations and I had my friend Diane on my mind. So the dream included the motel and Diane's family. We were all there together. I actually sent Diane a message the other day about the dream. My other dream was about coaching and caregiving - trying to figure out how to put these together - no solutions just ideas so far. Sometimes our dreams provide a vision for the future so not sure what's happening in my world yet. How about you? Any dreams?
I belong to a Caregivers support group on FB. I learn so much from the many people and their circumstances. There are so many caring people in the world. The group is very supportive of one another and offers an ear (so to speak) as well as guidance/advice. Sometimes I am able to provide a few tidbits and/or some comfort to others. It truly makes me count my blessings more each day. I am hoping that my coaching abilities help others along the way.
A funny story for the week. I hate sneezing in general and abhor having to sneeze while driving. I try to avoid if at all possible. I remember the days when I could sneeze quietly like mema. I hate that my eyes automatically close for that second and it feels I have no control. Last night I was driving and chewing gum when a sneeze came on. It was a big one too and as I tried to control it I bit my tongue. I bit my tongue so hard I drew blood. Thank goodness I was not too far from the house and there was no traffic. I pulled into the driveway and just laughed at myself with the swollen, bleeding tongue. Believe it or not, the gum was still in my mouth too!
I finished reading "THE NEST" by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney. It's a novel about family dysfunction and the ups/downs of life. Not a bad read. I'll be passing it on at the coffee shop. I think next up is murder/mayhem...LOL! What are you reading? I caught up with a few TV shows and watched "Taken 3."
I am going to leave it here for today. I did not mention Earth Day, but the quotes today pertain to the earth. I hope you have a good week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“The environment is where we all meet; where all have a mutual interest; it is the one thing all of us share.” --Lady Bird Johnson
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of each.” --Henry David Thoreau
“An understanding of the natural world and what’s in it is a source of not only a great curiosity but great fulfillment.” --David Attenborough