I know there is so much happening in the U.S. and the world, yet I can't seem to care. I am a person that in the past had the news on for quite a few hours a day or kept up via work. I barely watch an hour of news any more and I can't stand the political rudeness on TV and FB. I skip over many items as I just don't want to be bothered. I am not naive enough to think that if I ignore the subject it will go away, it's just that I want to focus on the good. I also have too many things going on with family to deal with anything else.
After reporting how good papa was doing, this past week was a bit rough. He was not feeling well the beginning of the week and I thought he was getting the flu or virus as stuff is flying up here. He slept quite a bit and was not eating much. I guess I was not paying enough attention (he was not telling) and finally Wednesday morning he ended up being transported by ambulance to the hospital. He was diagnosed with a gastric bleed and had a procedure done right away. Happy to report he is home and on the mend. I have to say I have this fear and I do mean fear that if something happens to papa on my watch then somehow it will be my fault and everyone will think I did something wrong. I know that is not a logical thought process, especially for someone like me, but when I'm his 24/7 caregiver it is what it is. I know that he is an elderly man with quite a few health issues, but that does not make it easier to quiet those thoughts in my head sometimes.
As I expected, all papa wanted me to do was visit mema. He was also very specific in his instructions to not tell mema that he was in the hospital. I told mema he very tired and not feeling well. The hardest part for my heart is mema is not asking about him. She acknowledges when I bring him up, but is not asking for him. Of course, as I have seen over the past few months, she is truly not asking about any one that is not in her presence. My heart soared when I walked by the dining room window and I heard her tell the staff "my daughter Marie is here." She has not said my name in my presence in many months. She is still observing all around her, but she is asking the question, "who is that?" much more often.
Believe me, I know that I am blessed to be 58 years old and to have both my parents still here with me. I just want to ensure both are in a good place and as happy as they can be. I wish I could care for both of them, but realistically I know I can't. Sometimes I want to run away and hide, but I truly believe I am where I need to be and doing what I am meant to do. Thank goodness I can deal with all the paperwork involved and get things done to be sure all the ducks are in a row so to speak. The household organization may be a bit messy, but again it is what it is and will all work out.
I finished a couple of small books on murder/mayhem. I feel like I reduced my pile a little bit...LOL! Although I did order a couple more books via Amazon...I just can't help myself. What are you reading?
I am going to leave it here for today. Want to read the newspaper before making breakfast for papa. I hope you have a great week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
"I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge." - Gerald Jampolsky
"Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart." - Sarah Ban Breathnach
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable." - John Wooden