It's been a long week. For those that follow me personally on FB, you know that there were a few sleepless nights and some pretty emotional days. The sleepless nights were due to heavy equipment being delivered to the community maintenance office in the middle of the night (two nights in a row). Don't ask my why equipment is being delivered in the middle of the night. As I told a neighbor, if I did not know better I would think some type of illegal operation was going on around here...LOL! Does not help that this house is located on the main road used to get to the maintenance yard. It's actually a little scary to hear these heavy engines and back up alarms in the middle of the night, I initially thought there was an emergency, but when I looked there were no flashing red lights. As many of you know, once I'm up, I'm up so my days started pretty early. I could tell I hit the wall of tired yesterday. For the first time when the Visiting Angel aide was here, I actually went into the TV room and took a nap...Lady came with me. It was not long, but it was helpful to get me through the rest of the day.
The emotional part of the week surrounded my mom. She truly gave me a hard time the other day. As I explained to someone, I know it's not her fault for her actions, but it still hurts my heart on occasion. She is still as strong as ever (or so it seems). Most of the time, I am good with whatever happens, but as usual when tired...WOW everything is multiplied and much heavier (emotionally and physically). Yesterday, she was awesome for the aide, laughing and being helpful which is a good thing. She even tricked the aid into putting her back in bed in the afternoon which made us all laugh. I would get her famous evil eye when I walked in or be ignored which is ok. At one point yesterday, when we were by ourselves, she had me get in bed with her and we cuddled, held hands and she chatted away. She seemed happy when I told her she was my angel and would always be with me. Those are the precious moments I live for. We do better when she can't see my face (I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry as I write that) - which I think goes to where she is in her memory. She may not be the same mom I knew and loved, but she raised me into the woman I am today and I know somewhere down deep she loves me. For those of you dealing with someone that has this disease you understand the roller coaster (which I never liked) that takes over everything.
Just so you know I did not take the certification test for food handler/manager. I had no sleep Sunday night and the test was Monday morning. I was having second thoughts any way and then with no sleep I decided timing is everything and now was not the right time. I wrote to the coordinator and explained that lack of sleep and lack of an aide was causing me to withdraw. I think what bugged me most, was that I did not even receive an acknowledgment or any type of response to my note. I'm telling you that this is the most unfriendly "friendship" club.
Although I let my coaching certification lapse, in many ways I still practice the skills and knowledge almost daily. I have always done more pro bono/informal work as I believe coaching is good for everyone. One of these days I'll determine what to do about getting certification again, but in the meantime, I'll keep learning and growing as a person and coach.
I have to say, I did have a wonderful massage/energy session and an awesome meditation group session over the past week. Awesome to let myself be open to whatever happens during these sessions.
A funny for this morning. I walk Lady a specific route first thing in the morning in order to take trash to the dumpster. We cut through the maintenance yard and normally on a Sunday all is quiet. Well, just as one of the workers is coming through with her car, Lady decides to squat in the middle of the road. Well, not much I can do about it except stand there (a little embarrassed) and wait for Lady to finish. Luckily, the worker was patient and I could see her laughing. She gave me a big wave to indicate all was ok. When Lady finished, I picked up her deposit and moved to the side of the road. The worker gave me another wave and a huge smile as she drove on through.
I did not read much this past week. I am lucky that I kept up with the newspapers I like to read. Several months ago, I recorded the mini series "WACO" and finally watched part of it. Although I remember when this happened, this provides much more detail. It is based on two or three books. This is the time of year that I record all sorts of different shows or lots of movies (free weekend of premium channels). I figure I can always delete what does not hold my attention.
I am going to leave it here for today. I'm putting together steak, peppers and onions for dinner today and I need to finish chopping/marinating. I hope you have a good week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast, withers as rapidly. That which grows slowly, endures.”– Josiah Gilbert Holland
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me." - Jim Valvano
“A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” — Billy Graham