Some weeks when I put this blog together I'm not sure how much to put out there. How personal or impersonal do I make it so others may learn something as well? If you've been a long term reader then you know I have put a lot of myself out there. I do hope that you, the reader, has gained insight into how to handle a situation in life. I'm sure there will be more insight to come in the future.
Many many years ago, I made a conscious decision to distance myself from much of my family. Some of it happened as I moved away from home and some of it happened after my grandmother passed away. There was a lot of family drama growing up and much of it came from what I perceived as family taking advantage of my grandmother and my family. When my grandmother passed I was about 26, I remember I asked my mom, "is it ok if I stop dealing with these people, I just can't take it any more? I'm sure they will ignore us now that grandma is gone. So I'm only going to keep in touch with those that I want to." My mom said to me, "You are an adult you can do what you want." So over the years, I did exactly that and kept in touch with those that I wanted to or those that I knew truly cared. I usually knew in general what was happening with others, but since we never saw each other no big deal. It did help that I actually moved away and most relatives had no idea where I was or what I was doing. I always felt bad for my parents because it was like they became pariahs in the family. My parents have always had a listed phone number in case someone tried to reach them. My mom would cry over the fact that she never heard from nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc. My father even lamented to me once saying he never knew what they did wrong for everyone to stop reaching out. You have to remember that my parents are from the generation where they are the elders so people should reach out to them. I am also from a family that does not believe in airing the dirty laundry so to speak so if my parents read this blog, I'm sure they would not be too happy. I provide this as background.
So shift forward many years to present times. FB has done a lot for finding family and friends from over the years. I'm sure many of you have found this to be true as well. I have reconnected with a few and it's been fun catching up. Again, I connect with those that I want and I have been very slow in connecting with some - perhaps it's the hurt from the past that makes me cautious for the future. Perhaps it's knowing how hurt my parents have been that prevents me from connecting as I do not want to seem disloyal. Those of you that know me personally understand that I am not a person who sneaks around and plays games so it does make it harder to connect. It also does not help that I know where many of the skeletons lie and I can't stand that suddenly everyone is so lovey with relatives and uses those FB quotes about family. Seriously, I feel if they were that serious about connecting they would have done that without FB. I have found some new cousins and it's been interesting trying to get to know them and at some point we will meet - not sure what caused the family separation here as it's the generation before us, but hopefully, we can build a relationship.
So now that you've read the story, what do you think? Have you gone through some of this yourself? I know all about letting the past go and forgiveness is good for the soul, etc. It's still difficult to put into action sometimes. I am not a fan of hypocrites so trust becomes an issue. Believe me I know life is short and I count my blessings every day. Perhaps I'm over thinking everything because of all I am going through with my parents. Have you connected with family and old friends and everything is hunky dory from the start? All old wounds are gone and you started from ground zero...different times, different realities. Let me know what you think. All comments welcome.
Mema had an overall good week. She did tell me today that I was allowed to visit every day. Of course there are good days and bad days in a week, but overall good this week. Her appetite appears pretty good and she is still observing as much as possible. I tease her and call her nosy rosie and she laughs. It is fun to watch her head pop up to see what's going on. She is still opinionated and tells me whom to avoid or keep an eye out for as they walk by.
Papa is struggling a bit with his leg. He is definitely using his cane more although he's not happy about it. I told him after church today I would appreciate him using his cane when he goes to receive communion vice hanging it from his shirt. Only asked him because when he turns after receiving communion you can see him struggling for balance. We'll see if he will listen. He did have a little excitement yesterday as his emergency button went off and since he did not respond to the phone call, the fire department showed up. He was more embarrassed than anything, but as I said to him, at least we know it works. He goes for a procedure this coming week for his cancer so please keep him in your prayers. We know everything will go as planned, but never hurts to have a few prayers as well.
I did not finish reading anything this week although I am in the middle of a good book - more on that next week. Let me know what you are reading so I can add it to my list.
I did have one bad moment this past week, I put my old HR hat on and provided a three page documentation of an employee's performance at the nursing home. It took me three sleepless nights to finally put it together as I struggled with the entire process. This has been building up for months and I finally decided action was needed. I can honestly say that I am damn good at documentation and research so you know this letter was chock full of facts. I provided the letter to the Nursing Home Administrator and the head of the department where the employee works. I have no idea what fallout will happen, if anything, but I'm sure Monday the entire building will know about the letter and documentation.
I am going to leave it here for tonight. I really put out here more than I intended. I hope you have a good week. To all my friends in Virginia, please know that I miss you all and so appreciate your support. One of these days I'll be back and we can catch up in person. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.” ― Shannon L. Alder
“Intentional living is the art of making our own choices before others' choices make us.” ― Richie Norton
“Each day brings new opportunities, allowing you to constantly live with love—be there for others—bring a little light into someone's day. Be grateful and live each day to the fullest.” ― Roy Bennett