Overall, I had an interesting week. The good news is I found my VA County Sticker...I knew it was in this house somewhere, but never expected it where I found it. Sometimes I think there is a paperwork fairy here that moves items around...LOL! Long story short, I decided the other day to review and then shred a pile of old after care/discharge hospital paperwork from the past couple of years and in the middle of this pile was the envelope with the county sticker. How it got there I have no idea, but it's found and now sitting in my car.
After weeks of soul searching, praying, researching and meditating, I reached a major decision. I am going to take my mom/mema home from the nursing home. As I've mentioned in previous blogs I was having a hard time trying to make a decision. This past week I resolved everything in my mind/heart/soul and the decision was announced and now the planning begins. After 3 1/2 years in the nursing home, it's time to come home. There is so much going on at the nursing home and although I know there are several loving/caring staff members, more and more lately whole shifts are agency/per diem people and it's created chaos and angst among the residents and, of course, me as I'm there so much. As I told several people this past week, when the ombudsman for the State does not return my call, I can believe I've overstepped somewhere. I know there will be quite a few people relieved to have me gone including an inept social worker. Believe me when I say this was not an easy decision, but after I spoke with my mom's doctor and with hospice, I am wholeheartedly assured I am making the right move. I just want her happy and content and since she truly likes quiet, she will be content. I also know my dad/papa is smiling down and providing signals that this is the right thing to do. To be honest, if my mom was mobile/wanderer I would never consider taking her home it as I know I could not keep her safe. I will have help and aids - I have had several people step up and say they would help or provide names of those who could. No worries I know I'm not Superwoman (okay maybe sometimes I act it), but I am building a schedule so I can continue meditation class, massage, etc.
I must say I took it as a compliment when the hospice social worker (great person), after our discussions over the past couple of weeks, said to me, "if it was any other family I was speaking to I would be concerned and say they are not prepared for everything involved. But you, are more prepared than anyone I've met in my career and you've received training. Your eyes are wide open." I shed a tear or two, but I did respond with, "Thank you. But I don't expect miracles. It will not be that when my mom gets home she will be cured or better or anything else. No matter if she is in the nursing home or at her own home, the story ends the same way. Whether it be days, months, or years the story will end the same way." Yes, I am shedding a few tears as I write this.
So now that I've said it, the planning has begun. Time to move furniture around and some of it out. I have some measurements to take to ensure her huge wheelchair will fit in doorways, etc. I'm meeting with a handyman this week to obtain some estimates and then get the work done. The decision has pushed me to clean out a bit more and some of the finds are amazing. I posted yesterday on FB about lots and lots of keys found. I also found military service manuals from the 1950s, employee manuals for the MBTA through the 1960s and lots of log books. When my dad retired from the MBTA, he worked as a school bus driver so the books contained his daily routes, mileage, etc.
This also means that my March visit to VA is postponed for a while. I'll miss seeing and connecting with all of my friends as they replenish my heart and soul, yet I can feel their love and care. Please do not worry. This is not about me. This is doing the right thing for my mom.
Well, I hope I did not surprise anyone with the blog. Yes, this was an emotional few weeks, but overall I feel really good about the decisions and moving forward. The question I often ask when someone is making a life changing/transition type decision: "How does your decision make your feel?" If the answer is, "I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders." Then it's usually (in my opinion) the right decision. If the decision leaves you feeling stressed and wonky, then perhaps it's time to re-evaluate the decision (again, my opinion). I will tell you the decision I made feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
I finished an excellent book this past week: "A MAN CALLED OVE" by Fredrik Backman. The book made me laugh, cry and ponder about life and circumstances. I will be dropping this off at the coffee shop for another person to enjoy. I am back to reading murder and mayhem as I catch up on a few from my stash. What are you reading? Any recommendations?
On a different note - I will more than likely not write a blog next week as I'll be in Universal Studios in Florida for a few days with my youngest nephew. We had to delay our vacation plans last summer so with his February winter break coming up the timing is right. We got a package deal and I look forward to getting away for a few days and spending quality time with this young man. He'll probably wear me out, but I can't wait. Although I have never read a book or seen a movie about Harry Potter it should be a fascinating adventure as I spend one-on-one time with an almost 17 year old.
I am going to leave it here for today. Time for a second cup of coffee and some breakfast. I hope you have a good week. Take care. Chat soon. Marie
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” –Herm Albright
“Physical strength is measured by what we can carry; spiritual by what we can bear.” - –Unknown
“One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value.” - –Jim Rohn